eBay Bull: An Insider's Guide to On-Line Collecting

On-Line collecting has always been a risky business, but you'll minimize that risk if you understand the special code language used by sellers. Now, for the very time, that code has been translated and is given here. Learn this secret language and you, too, can be a successful on-line collector.

"This precision hand-crafted beauty is a masterpiece of solid-state engineering. It will grace any hamshack and make you the envy of your friends. And best of all, it features a very modest reserve of only $200. Don't let this one get away. Bid early and bid high. Sorry, no personal checks accepted."

“I am selling this radio as-is,

….because I have no way of testing it.” (Translation: It’s just too much trouble to flip the power switch.)

….because I know nothing about radios. (Translation: I got my ticket in 1950 but I’m a slow learner.)

….because of its age.” (Translation: It was made six months ago in Bangladesh.)

….because I don’t know what it does.” (Translation: It doesn’t do anything.)

….to allow the buyer to restore it properly.” (Translation: You better have a long retirement.)

“This radio was owned a non-smoker.” (Translation: He owned it three months. The owner before him died of lung cancer.)

“This came from my father’s estate.” (Translation: Poor dad was electrocuted by the damn thing.)

“Guaranteed not to be Dead-On-Arrival.” (Translation: That’s because it will never arrive.)

“Personal checks may delay shipment.” (Translation: Don’t plan on using it this sunspot cycle.)

“Item has a modest reserve.” (Translation: It’s modest because I won’t tell you what it is.)

“This is a very rare item.” (Translation: There was only one of them in the dumpster.)

“I’m selling it because I have several.” (Translation: I put all the chipped knobs on this one.)

“I plugged it in and it lighted up.” (Translation: Actually, it lighted up the whole block.)

“My feedback rating is 100% positive.” (Translation: This is my second auction. My brother-in-law won the first.)

“The finals run a little hot.” (Translation: Keep the fire extinguisher handy when you turn it on.)

“The power output is low.” (Translation: The power output is zero.)

“The S-meter reads low.” (Translation: The needle has been stuck on zero since the Korean war.)